Good sex comes from good communication, but it can be tough to bring up sex and intimacy issues. Your partner may be defensive or have a hard time accepting the fact that their sex game is subpar.
If you’re not sexually satisfied in your relationship, you can find satisfaction by working together to improve things. This requires open and honest communication.
Unrealistic Expectations
One of the biggest reasons you may not be sexually satisfied in your relationship is that you have unrealistic expectations. This can include comparing your partner to other people, wanting too much from them or having unreasonable hopes that they will make you happy all the time.
It’s important to be able to recognize when your expectations are unrealistic in order to have healthy and fulfilling relationships. Some of the most common signs of unrealistic expectations include a constant sense of disappointment, a habit of unsustainable high achievement goals or a pattern of seeking external validation. If you can identify these patterns in yourself, counseling is a great resource that can help guide you towards self-compassion, realistic thinking and overall wellness.
Another example of an unrealistic expectation is trying to match up your current partner to all of your past lovers in the bedroom. This is a surefire recipe for anxiety and can lead to the belief that you’re not enough for your partner, regardless of how well they satisfy you in the bedroom.
Talking to your partner about not feeling sexually satisfied can be a difficult conversation, but it’s an essential part of a healthy relationship. You need to know whether or not your partner is on the same page and is willing to make changes that will result in a mutually satisfying sex life. Be open about how you feel and try not to let anger or bitterness get in the way of a productive discussion.
Mismatched Libido
It’s common for partners to have different libidos, but when it’s a significant difference that affects the quality of their sexual connection, it’s important to address it. The problem is that people often see a difference in libidos as a black-and-white issue: either you want to have sex all the time or you don’t. That creates a huge gap in expectations, and leads to one partner feeling frustrated and rejected while the other feels guilty and pressured.
In reality, libido is fluid and changes based on the many factors that influence it. Hormones, physical and mental health issues, daily stress, and more can all have a direct impact on what you or your partner wants in the bedroom.
When there’s a mismatch between libidos, a vicious “pursuer-distancer” cycle can begin. The partner with the higher libido will continue to ask for sex, while the other partner may become frustrated and angry, leading to arguments and fighting. To avoid this, couples can start by communicating openly about what they each want in the relationship, and coming up with a plan for when they’re both ready to try again. They can also consider sex alternatives that can satisfy both parties. For example, masturbation has been shown to be as satisfying as sex for some couples. Lastly, they can seek the help of a sex therapist to help them work through any issues that are contributing to their lack of satisfaction.
Lack of Communication
Sexual dissatisfaction is a serious problem in many relationships, and it can lead to relationship damage. But sex doesn’t have to be the cause of your relationship woes, and there are ways you can work through it. The key is communication, and learning how to talk about sex in a way that will be received positively.
This may not be an easy task, especially if you’ve been in your relationship for a long time and haven’t discussed this topic. It’s also important not to bring it up at a bad time, like during dinner or during other activities that will be distracting and make it difficult for you both to truly communicate your thoughts.
Bringing it up when you’re both in a good mood is important, as is communicating your needs and expectations clearly. This will help you both feel heard and understood, which is essential to building trust in your relationship.
If you and your partner are struggling to communicate about sex, it may be helpful to seek professional help from a marriage counselor. They can provide you with tools to improve your communication and help you reach a point of sexual satisfaction that will benefit both you and your partner.
Lack of Trust
Regardless of whether you’re in a summer fling or something a little more long-term, bad sex can derail any relationship. This is especially true if you are crazy for your partner, but not so crazy about their sex skills. In such a scenario, you have to decide if you want to put in the work to fix it or let it go and move on.
When people are unhappy with their sex, they can begin to act out in unhealthy ways. They may binge eat, use drugs or alcohol and engage in risky sexual behavior that can have serious consequences for their physical, mental and emotional health. They can also start to resent their partners, which can lead to a lack of trust in the relationship.
While many of the causes of not being sexually satisfied in a relationship can be addressed with open communication, some aren’t. For example, if your partner is experiencing a medical issue such as Erectile Dysfunction, it can be misinterpreted that they no longer have interest in intimacy.
If your partner’s sex-related problems can’t be resolved, it may be time to end the relationship. However, if you still love your partner and would like to keep the relationship going, you can take the time to focus on your shared goals and interests and find new, healthy ways to have fun in the bedroom.
